Broken Dreams
by MissyMo2005
Summary: Being the first lady of the United States. That was everything she'd wanted for as long as she could remember. She'd thrown every ounce of her being behind getting Fitz in that oval office and what had she got in return for the sacrafices she'd made? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It wasn't supposed to be like this, this was not the way she'd imagined it being. (Mellitz end game)
1. Chapter 1

_This is the first Scandal story I've written, so feedback would be very much appreciated. I haven't actually finished catching up with the series yet- I've only got as far as the start of series three so I apologise if anything I have written doesn't make sense with things that have happened after that time. I've had this story in my head for a while now, I've really fallen in love with the character of Mellie. The way I have written her is probably a little bit out of character but I find it difficult to believe that under that cold, calculating and political woman we see there isn't another side of her that is deeply hurt by her husbands betrayal. That's the way I've decided to write her. I'm not sure where this story will go, or even if I will continue it. Please do let me know what you think and if you'd like me to continue it. Thanks so much for reading. B x_

Being the first lady of the United States. That was everything she'd wanted for as long as she could remember. She'd thrown every ounce of her being behind getting Fitz in that oval office and what had she got in return for the sacrafices she'd made? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It wasn't supposed to be like this, this was not the way she'd imagined it being. She was trapped, she wasn't technically a prisoner but she may as well have been for all the freedom she had left. Ornamental, that's what Fitz had called her. He was right too. That was her purpose in life, to stand by his side and smile and wave, that was all she'd ever really be- and it was killing her slowly and painfully.

"Snap out of it Mellie." She muttered under her breath as she finished fixing her hair and then smoothed out her blouse as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes as she saw her own cold reflection glaring back at her. Taking a deep breath she rearranged her facial expression in to that forced smile she wore so well. No one could tell that it didn't reach her eyes, except maybe Fitz- but he just didn't care. The only way he'd ever care is if she somehow turned in to Olivia Pope over night.

With one final look in the mirror she left the bedroom that she had once shared with Fitz. Now he was sleeping in one of the many bedrooms further down the hall. On camera and in public they were the perfect couple. Behind closed doors Fitz could barely look her in the eye. She'd been trying, every morning she'd do exactly what she was doing that morning, walk down to his office, ignore the pittying looks from his secretary and try to have a conversation with her husband. The husband that was supposed to love her for better or for worse, who now rolled his eyes and sighed when she saw him. The man who had once loved her now loathed her with every fibre of his being, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't change that. He was too in love with his mistress.

"Good Morning Ma'am." There was an endless stream of greetings from the staff she passed as she walked along the hallways, her heels clicking on the floor as she went. She smilled and greeted them all, careful not to take her frustration at her husband out on staff who had nothing to do with the problem, afterall, they weren't the ones that were screwing her husband. After greeting Lauren she made her way in to the oval office to see her husband. She had no idea why she even bothered, she'd been trying for weeks, visiting him every morning to just try and have a simple conversation with him. At this point she'd take anything, just some kind of sign that her marrige wasn't totally dead. Every day she'd go in there and try. Some days he'd just ignore her entirely, other days there'd be shouting and screaming- which was no doubt the cause of the pitying look Lauren had given her that morning.

"Good Morning Fitz." She said as cheerfully as she could manage, closing the door behind her.

There was a few moments pause, Fitz turning in his chair to look at his wife and sighing. He'd been sat there, waiting for her. She'd taken to showing up in his office every morning and pleading with him to talk to her. "Mellie." He said, barely looking up from his desk. He shuffled the papers infront of him, pretending to be studying them intently, hoping if he just ignored her she'd go away. He really didn't have it in him to fight with her again.

"Can't you even look at me any more?" She asked quietly, walking towards his desk. "For God's sake Fitz! Look at me!" Her voice rose as she slammed her hand down on the desk infront of him.

Fitz looked up, glaring at her. "What the hell do you want Mellie? I'm busy!" He snapped. "Well?!" He demanded when she hesitated.

Mellie fought back the tears that were beginning to well up in her eyes. If there was one thing she'd never do that was allow Fitz to see her cry. She'd rather he thought of her as a cold harted bitch than see how he'd gotten to her, how he'd worn away piece after piece with every snide remark and cruel comment he'd made. No, she'd much rather he though of her as an unfeeling ice queen. "What do I want?" She said with a dry laugh, leaning against his desk and shaking her head.

"I don't have time for this Mellie." Fitz said dismissively, looking back at the papers infront of him.

"I want a husband that loves me!" Mellie yelled, grabbing the papers off the desk infront of him and throwing them across the office. "I want you to stop screwing that whore and actually pay some attention to me- _your wife." _She spat at him, cutting him off as he tried to cut her off. "Oh no Fitz- I'm not done! You've taken a lot away from me, you can at least hear me out!"

"Taken away from you! I'm the reason you're here now in this god damn White House that you love so much!" In the back of his head he knew all the staff outside the office could probably hear the two of them screaming at each other but he was livid. How dare she come in to his office and start accusing him of ruining her life. "How dare you."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Mellie yelled, her voice dropping in volume considerably as she fought to hold back her emotions and stop her voice from cracking. "If you knew the sacrafices that I have made, the things that I have given up and the piees of myself that I have given away for you! And you treat me like this!..." She stopped abruptly as the door to the oval office swung open, Olivia Pope standing in the door way awkwardly.

"I…" Mellie watched as her husbands mistress struggled to find a reason to leave. "I'll come back."

"There's no need." Fitz said, waving her in with a smile. "Mellie was just leaving."

Mellie turned to glare at her husband as he stared straight back at her. "This isn't over." She stated, her anger rising as she watched her husband watching his mistress.

Fitz waved a hand at her dismissively. "As far as I'm concerned our marrige is over Mellie. Close the door on your way out."


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the reviews last night, it really motivated me to write some more! Hope you enjoy! B x_

It took an embarrassing amount of concentration for Mellie to hold herself together as she half walked and half ran back through the maze of corridors, eventually making her way back to her bedroom. She locked the door behind herself, although she probably didn't need to. The only person who was going to come in to that room was Fitz, and he was doing everything in his power to avoid her. Finally allowing the emotions she'd been fighting to overcome her she dropped down to the floor, sitting with her back pressed against the door as she sobbed quietly. Her marriage was over. He'd said it. The last little slither of hope she'd be desperately hanging on to had just been ripped from her.

It took her a few moments to pull herself together enough to get up of the floor and walk over to the phone on the bedside table. "Clear my schedule for the day." She snapped down the line. "You don't get to ask why! Just do it!" She yelled, slamming the phone back down on to the receiver as the tears started to stream down her face again. Her husband had chosen his whore over her. How was she supposed to move on from that?

Stripping out of the clothes she'd spent so long carefully selecting that morning she pulled on one of Fitz's navy jumpers and crawled back in to bed, leaving her clothes in a pile on the floor of the wardrobe. She was passed caring about tidying up and keeping up her appearance. She just wanted to crawl in to bed and disappear. The idea that she might have to face the world, a world in which her husband would leave her for his mistress… She couldn't even imagine it. She'd finally have the chance to launch her own political career, that was the only upside. If she was honest though, she didn't want anything to do with politics after this. Politics had ruined her marriage. She might even go as far to say it had ruined her life.

What was it she'd said to Cyrus? Numbness was better than feeling the pain. She wasn't sure if that was true or not anymore. She'd welcomed it to begin with, anything not to feel the pain of sleeping in an empty bed while her husband snuck off to screw his mistress. She didn't even know if she could say snuck out anymore- he wasn't even making any attempt to hide what he was doing from her. He was just inviting his mistress in to the White House and screwing her in the oval office for everyone to see. The thought made her feel sick.

The numbness that she'd welcomed with open arms to begin with, was now making her feel detached from her life, as though it wasn't even her life. She'd sit sometimes and watch herself and Fitz on TV and it was as though she was watching two total strangers. She played her role well, no one could deny that. She felt so detached, as though she was just going through the motions, waiting for it to be over. All to enable the man who now loathed her to carry on with his political career.

Of course he'd chosen Olivia Pope- ever since she'd first found out about his affair she'd known that in the end she would lose the man she loved to that woman. How could she ever compete with her? Knowing she'd never win she'd kept quiet, played innocent and allowed him to continue to screw his whore behind her back while it ate away at her, piece by piece. It had torn her apart, watching him, knowing he was happier with Olivia. Now he said their marriage was over, what was going to happen? He was going to leave her, kick her out of the White House and move Olivia in? Nothing she could do would change that- he didn't love her anymore. She'd failed in her duty as a wife.

Reaching in to the draw of the bedside cabinet she pulled out the bottle of scotch she'd stashed in there. She wasn't a huge fan of it, but at that moment in time she just needed a drink- anything would do. Unscrewing the cap she quickly tipped the bottle up and took a big mouthful, relishing the feel of the alcohol burning her throat. After draining the remnants of the bottle she'd worked her way through over the past couple of days she looked at the clock that sat next to the now empty bottle. It was 9.30 am and the First Lady was in bed, having consumed more than her fair share of scotch. Oh what the press would say if they could see her now.

It didn't have the desired effect, much to her disappointment. She'd been hoping to just fall asleep, that way she wouldn't have to deal with her problems or her emotions. That had been her main goal. All she wanted was to wake up tomorrow, when maybe she'd have the energy to continue with the ridiculous charade that was her marriage. Better yet, maybe she'd wake up in an alternate universe where her husband wasn't a cheating bastard and didn't feel the need to put her down at every opportunity. Maybe she'd wake up next to the man she'd fallen in love with, the man she used to huddle under the blankets in their crappy little apartment with to try and keep warm. The Fitz she used to know.

Instead, she laid there, tossing and turning as the daylight streamed in through the curtains, as if to remind her that she was laying in her bed, drunk in the middle of the day. She played things over and over in her mind, wondering what she could've done differently, how she could've made him love her more. What she could've done to be a better wife. Clearly she'd made a mistake somewhere and sent him running in to the arms of Olivia Pope. She'd been inadequate and now she was paying the price.

After two hours of lying in bed, replaying their marriage in her head and trying to work out what the hell she'd done to deserve this, her tears dried up. The sadness and hopelessness she'd been feeling turned to anger. _How dare he. _Everything she'd sacrificed to get him where he was and he treated her like garbage.

She had no idea how it even happened, she didn't even remember getting out of bed, but suddenly she was at the door to the oval office in nothing but her husband's jumper. Lauren eyed her warily but made no attempt to stop her as she barged through the door without knocking. Fitz was sat behind his desk, still staring at what looked to be the same pile of paper he had been earlier, his head snapping up as she slammed the door shut behind her.

"Mellie?" He was having a hard time believing this was actually his wife, who cared so much about her appearance. She was stood there in nothing but his jumper with her hair all out of place, her makeup smeared and her eyes red from crying. He put down his pen and looked at his wife carefully. He didn't know how to deal with this side of Mellie. Cold hearted, bitchy Mellie he could take- he'd spent years dealing with that. This was entirely new.

"Why am I not enough for you Fitz?" She slurred out, leaning against a sofa. Her legs were starting to feel as though they might give way. "Why am I not good enough?"

The question left him reeling; it was the last thing he'd been expecting to hear when she'd stormed in. Slowly standing up and walking out from behind the desk he approached his wife. The wife he'd apparently broken beyond repair. This was not Mellie that he was looking at anymore. He'd done this to her. "Mellie…" He said quietly, watching as she tensed up as he approached her. Before he got any further with his sentence an overwhelming smell of alcohol reached his nose. "Are you drunk?" He asked, bending down to look her in the eye. "It's half past ten in the morning!"

"Don't worry, the press didn't see me. Wouldn't want to ruin your perfect little career… I bet you can't wait to get rid of me and move Olivia in here. She'd never do something like this." Mellie replied, her voice fading to a whisper.

"Mellie." Fitz said, waiting for her to look at him. "Mellie. Look at me." He cautiously reached out a hand to her cheek, unsure of what her reaction would be.

As her husband touched her for the first time in months, Mellie's eyes snapped up and met his. "Why am I not enough for you Fitz?" She whispered, her eyes brimming with tears as she fought to hold them back.

Fitz didn't answer her question, he couldn't. Instead he sat down next to her on the sofa and put his arms around her. She tensed to begin with, but soon relaxed- her head resting against his chest as he stroked her hair. This was all she'd wanted in life, a husband who loved her and would be there for her when she needed him. Where had it all gone so horribly wrong?

They sat there like that for a while; Mellie's quite sobs eventually evening out in to deep breaths as she fell asleep. Fitz looked down at his dishevelled wife. He'd done this to her. Broken her with his cruel words and his love for Olivia Pope. The wife that had done nothing but stand by his side and forgive him time and time again. He'd caused this.

There was a quiet knock on the door, Lauren appearing in the door way. "Sorry to interrupt Sir." She said with a quick smile, seemingly unfazed by the scene in front of her. "The Vice President is here for the meeting you have scheduled."

"Clear my schedule for the day, give her my apologies." Fitz instructed her, his gaze wandering back down to his wife. "Don't let anyone else in here today. Thank You."

Lauren nodded and closed the door behind her, leaving Fitz alone with his thoughts as he listened to the sounds of his Wife's breathing. How had he been so blind that he hadn't noticed what he'd done to Mellie?


	3. Chapter 3

Mellie woke up at 3am, back in her bed with only the thumping headache to remind her of quite how much she'd had to drink that day. She'd got vague memories of being in the oval office which were slowly becoming clearer, god she hoped she'd not made too much of a fool of herself. She rolled over, in to the empty space beside her where her husband had once slept and fought back a fresh round of sobs. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. Knowing Fitz he'd probably just had Tom and Hal take her back to the bedroom before they took him off to see his mistress. He just didn't care anymore.

When the door to the bedroom slowly opened she very nearly screamed, she wasn't used to anyone else coming in there- especially not her husband who now stood awkwardly in the doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He said, walking over and sitting down on the bed beside her. "How are you feeling?" He asked, passing her the glass of water he'd been holding. He knew his wife was going to have one hell of a hangover.

"Ugh." Mellie groaned, taking the water from him. "What are you doing here Fitz?" She asked coldly, moving away from him as he tried to place his hand on her arm.

"I'm your husband Mellie, I'm worried about you." He told her, watching as she avoided looking him in the eye.

"You only ever remember my existence when it's convenient to you. What do you need Fitz? Whatever interview or appearance it is you're trying to keep me onside for, fine. I'll be there, I'll play the role of the devoted and loving wife, just like I always do. Then you can go and screw your mistress afterwards."

"Mellie!" Fitz interjected, hurt that she thought like that.

"What Fitz? That's how this works isn't it? I'm ornamental remember?" She threw his words back at him, leaving him speechless. "Just get out." She whispered, placing the glass of water on the bedside table. "I said get out!" She yelled when he made no effort to move.

"You're impossible Mellie!" He spat back at her, his voice considerably more hushed than hers. He knew if he had a screaming match with his wife at 3am the noise wouldn't go unnoticed and then they'd have a whole other problem to deal with. "You say you want me to care, what do you think I'm trying to do?! Why do you think I'm here?!"

Mellie laughed sarcastically. "You're trying to appease your guilt, because you and I both know that _you _did this to me. I'm trapped in this marrige, just waiting for you to divorce me and move Olivia in… I'm just sitting here, waiting for it to happen because there's nothing I can do about it Fitz. There's nothing that I can do about it and it's killing me! So just don't, don't show up and pretend to care when we both know that you're probably going to sneak off to her apartment tomorrow night. Just spare me the effort Fitz. I could disappear tomorrow and the odds are you probably wouldn't notice until you showed up to do an interview and someone asked why I wasn't beside you. Like you said, our marrige is over." Her voice wobbled towards the end as she tried to stay strong. "Get out."

"Mellie." He reached his hand towards her arm again, holding on to her elbow as she tried to pull away from him. "Look at me." He paused, waiting as his wife turned to glare at him. "I'm sorry Mellie, and I know that it doesn't make up for.." He was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the phone on the bedside table.

"What?" Mellie's tone made him wince, she was furious and about to take it out on the person on the other end of the phone. "Oh, is that so? I'll let him know." She slammed the phone back on the reciever with such force she was surprised it didn't break. "Your whore is in your office, apparently there is an 'urgent matter' she needs you to attend to." She said, the hurt and betrayal written all over her face.

"Mellie, I didn't-" He started, but she cut him off.

"Get your hands off me!" She shrieked loud enough that most of the staff had to have heard her. "This is over, do you hear me. Over. Done. Finished. Now get out!" She was shaking she was so angry with him. Hell he was probably lucky there wasn't anything she could use as a murder weapon close by or he'd be a dead man- and she'd sure as hell do a better job than the last person that had tried to kill him.

She spent the rest of the night lying in bed, tossing and turning, as she stared at the ceiling above the bed asthough it some how held the answers to all of her problems. God she wished things were that simple. At 5am she finally gave up on getting anymore sleep, crawling out of bed and in to the bathroom to take a shower. She stunk like a brewery, something Cyrus would no doubt have a fit about if he saw her. That was the only real thing that was forcing her to make an effort to appear normal- what other people would say. She still couldn't bring herself to ruin Fitz's career by leaving him and exposing to the world what he'd done. She couldn't even force him to leave Olivia, she couldn't bare to see him unhappy. So she was trapped, she'd get out of the shower, put on some make up and go about with her business as though everything were normal.

Normal. The word sounded as though it were mocking her. She'd never have normal again.

Was there even any point in trying any more? The question she'd asked herself every morning for countless weeks. Up until that point she'd managed to find a reason to carry on. Despite the fact that her children hated her and wouldn't come to visit, despite the fact her husband was in love with another woman- she'd carried on. Looking at her cold and empty face in the mirror that morning she couldn't find a reason. What was the point?

She ended up sat, on the floor of the shower, the water flowing over her body having a comforting numbing effect. She needed a plan. She'd always had a plan, more often than not lately it had been a cold, manipulative plan- but nevertheless, a plan. Why couldn't she find some way to turn this around, some way to make Fitz give her something she wanted. Why didn't she want to use this against him some how? If she was honest she was just beyond caring. Let him divorce her and move her out of the White House if that was what he really wanted. At least then this living hell would be over.

She had no idea how long she'd been sat on the floor in the shower, staring at the water droplets that were running down the glass screen. It was like a little bubble in there, where she ould pretend, just for a few moments that everything was okay. She could pretend that her life wasn't crumbling around her. She was vaguely aware of the fact she had things that she had to do that day, the things she should've done yesterday but she'd been too drunk. There was some appearance scheduled she was supposed to attend with Fitz, play her part as the dutiful wife. The thought made her feel sick. How could she stand next to him and pretend to love him after he'd had a 3am booty call from his mistress. Maybe if she stayed in the shower long enough he'd come up with some kind of excuse for her and go on his own. Oh how she wished that were the case.

Five minutes. Five more minutes of sitting on the floor of the shower, then she'd pull herself together, put on her makeup and get on with her day- that's what she told herself. She focused on trying to stop the tears that were still running down her face, disguised by the spray from the shower. She was pathetic, Fitz and Olivia were probably laughing about just how pathetic she was to still be clinging on to a shred of hope that her marriage could recover from this. She was foolish to think he'd ever get over Olivia Pope. She'd hoped and prayed it was just the sex- that she could live with. Then she'd realised the truth, that her husband was in love with another woman. The only person she had to blame for that was herself. She hadn't been enough for him, she'd not given him something he needed and she'd sent him running in to the arms of another woman.

After eventually scraping herself up off the floor, she dressed and walked out of the bedroom, passing an assistant who had been lurking nervously outside the door. "Tell him I'm coming." She called over her shoulder as she made her way down to the car. "Tom, Hal." She greeted the two secret service agents before sliding in to the waiting car with her husband. "Don't." She said coldly as Fitz opened his mouth to speak. "Yesterday never happened. That's the end of it. Don't even try and talk to me." She could do this, put back up those walls and go back to being the cold hearted bitch everyone thought she was. That way she couldn't get hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

_I feel as though I should just put a little warning in front of this next part as things are starting to get a little dark and twisty in Mellie's head in this next part. It wasn't really where I was intending for this to go when I started writing it, but it's where it seems to have ended up. So just a warning, because I don't want to upset/offend anyone. Hopefully I'll be feeling a bit more cheerful soon and my writing will come out with a slightly happier note!_

As the car pulled up outside and the door was opened she plastered a false smile on to her face and stepped out, followed by her husband, in to a sea of flashing cameras. Fitz cautiously put his arm around his wife, slightly concerned about what her reaction may be. She stiffened at his touch but didn't push him away much to his relief. They made their way through the crowds and inside the hospital they were visiting. As soon as they were inside the door and out of sight of the press Mellie hissed "Get your hands off me." Under her breath without breaking the smile she had plastered across her face.

Fitz slowly removed his hand. "Mellie, please-" He started but she ignored him, moving towards a group of people waiting just inside the doors to greet them.

It was only a short visit, much to Mellie's relief. She'd forgotten just how exhausting it was to keep smiling and play the adoring wife. She was well practiced at it, but it seemed even more draining than usual that day. She just wanted it to be over, so she could go back to the White House, have a very large drink and crawl in to bed. She knew Cyrus would object, Fitz had something else scheduled that she was supposed to attend but she honestly didn't think she had it in her. She wasn't sure if she could carry on playing her part, it was so draining to keep up the pretense of happiness.

When the visit ended she slid back in to the car after a final wave to the crowds gethered outside, her head rested against the window as she closed her eyes. She was just so god damn tired. Tired of everything, of the lies, of not being enough for him. "Mellie." Fitz said as the car pulled away from the front of the hospital. He placed his hand gently on her leg.

Her eyes snapped open and she glared at him. "Get your hands off me!" She growled. "I've forgiven a lot of things Fitz, turned a blind eye but last night you just surpassed yourself. 3am booty calls- even I'm not that forgiving."

"You're impossible! What do you want me to say? Nothing I do is good enough for you!" He snapped back at her. No matter what he said she'd never believe that he hadn't invited Olivia to the White House the previous night, or that nothing had happened between them.

Mellie ignored him the rest of the way home, staring out of the window in total silence. When they finally reached the White House after what felt like an eternity she was out of the car and walking away from him as quickly as she could, not stopping until she reached the bedroom and locked the door behind her. It had become something of a safe haven for her in there with the door firmly locked. No one could see her there, she didn't have to keep up the pretense.

Sitting down on the bed she stared at the walls wondering what she was going to do. She knew they couldn't carry on like this forever, that was for sure. There was only so long her and Fitz could spend their days screaming at eachother and hiding from eachother all day then sleeping in separate rooms at night. Sooner or later something was going to have to give.

The question was, what?

Did she really have the strength in her to leave him? She'd like to think so, but yet the thought of walking away from her marrige- even after all Fitz had done- made her feel sick to her stomach. Even after everything that had happened, she still loved him. She wished she didn't, afterall he wasn't the same man she'd married all those years ago, but she couldn't help the way she felt.

Maybe they could repair their marrige somehow. The idea actually made her want to laugh out loud. What a ridiculous idea. In order for that to work they'd have to both be willing to work out- something she could pretty much guarantee that her husband wouldn't be willing to do.

So she was back to option one, leave him. Had she got the balls to walk out on her husband, to admit to the world that he'd cheated on her with Olivia Pope? Was she really ready to admit to everyone that she hadn't been enough for him? That she'd been so inadequate that he'd gone running in to the arms of another woman? Would anyone even believe her if she told them the truth? She already knew the answer to that- Cyrus would find a way to make everyone believe that she was being ridiculous, telling lies to try and get back at her husband for something else entirely by spreading malitious rumours. She'd seen first hand what Cyrus was capeable of doing to people who threatened Fitz's power. She didn't stand a chance- he'd probably have her killed before he let her ruin Fitz's predidency. Then again, at least then she'd be out of this mess.

The thought scared her slightly as it entered her mind, her eyes drifting over to the bottle of sleeping pills that stood on the bedside table. She'd like to say that she'd never had a thought like that before in her life but she'd be lying. _Suicide is never the answer. _She'd used those exact five words in a speech she'd given just last week at a charity function. What were her other options though? Her husband was probably screwing that whore in his office as she sat there. Her children hated her. She was a failure, nothing more than ornamental. He didn't need her by his side. She wasn't functional.

The kids? Well they'd be better off without her, that was for sure. No one needed a cold hearted, evil bitch like her for a mother. She was almost certain she was the reason Karen had been so keen to go to boarding school as far away from Washington as she could physically get. Mellie couldn't say she blamed her either. She'd failed, not only in her duties as a wife, but as a mother too. She was a failure. They'd all be fine without her, as Fitz often liked to remind her, his life would be a hell of a lot easier without her by his side causing problems for him. He could move Olivia in, get on with his life then. Hell, her children would probably love Olivia, welcome her with open arms. After all, Olivia was better at everything else- why wouldn't Olivia be a better mother to her children as well? Then again, it wouldn't take much for her to be better than Mellie- Jerry and Karen weren't talking to her at all, and she was sure that Teddy thought the Nanny was his mother. They'd be so much better off without her. Maybe it was best for everyone.


	5. Chapter 5

_I'd like to say a special thanks to Ms.E1928 for encouraging me to write this next part, despite what some others may have said. If you don't like Mellie as a character then this story isn't for you, simple as. The rest of you lovely people who've left some lovely reviews on my writing- thank you so much and I hope you'll enjoy this next part too. B x_

Silence. That was one thing she'd really missed since they'd moved in to the White House. It seemed like there was constantly something happening, there was always something that needed doing, always someone there trying to get them to do something. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually been alone with her husband. Then again, she figured he probably prefered it that way. If he wasn't alone with her then there was no chance of them having to have a conversation about Olivia Pope, about what was left of the pretense that was their marriage. God, she was so tired of pretending.

She had no idea how long she'd been sat there, staring at the walls around her when there was a sharp knocking on the door. Clearly she'd been hiding away in there too long and someone had finally come looking for her. She'd been foolish to think she could just hide in there forever. While her husband may not notice her absence, other people certainly would. There was another knock on the door, followed by "Ma'am?" Being called through the door.

She stayed laying on the bed silently, foolishly hoping they'd leave her alone, although she knew they wouldn't. They'd have to find out where she was eventually, she couldn't hide forever. Another curse of the life she'd chosen. There was another knock, then the door handle twisting. They couldn't get in, she'd locked the door- but she was going to have to get up to face whatever they wanted her for. Otherwise they'd end up breaking the door down to make sure she wasn't being held hostage in there or some other ludicrious scenario they'd create in their heads- the fact she was simply trying to avoid Fitz would never even cross their minds.

Straightening out her skirt as she stood, she crossed the room and unlocked the door- trying to ignore the spinning sensation in her head that suggested she probably should've eaten or drunk something other than scotch that day- swinging it open to be met with a very relieved looking Tom who had been wondering if he should break down the door or not. "Sorry Ma'am." He hesitated, watching as the First Lady grabbed hold of the door frame to steady herself. "Are you okay?" He asked, his hands halfway extended to catch her.

Mellie nodded, taking a deep breath. "Tell him I'll be five minutes." She said, closing the door again as she went to get changed and fix her make up- afterall, she had appearances to maintain.

When she reopened the door a few moments later she found Tom waiting outside the door, holding a glass of water and a banana that she gratefully accepted. "Thanks Tom." She smiled, walking down to Fitz's office. Her head was still spinning slightly but she was praying that would pass. It wouldn't be a good thing if she fainted on national television- far too many questions would be asked.

"Mellie." Cyrus greeted her without even looking up from the statement he was reading. Fitz didn't even acknowledge her entrance as she walked in and sunk down on to one of the sofa's in the office. She was really going to have to remember to start eating properly, even if that meant Fitz would have to put up with being in her presence while she ate some toast.

"What is this about?" She asked tiredly, looking at Cyrus. She should've made some excuses and stayed in bed.

"Do you ever listen when I speak?" Cyrus asked sarcastically. "The photo opportunities for you, Fitz and Teddy. The one we discussed last week?"

It was vaguely ringing a bell with Mellie. "Fine, whatever. Let's just get this over with." Another couple of hours smiling at cameras and pretending her husband loved her. She'd be so glad when that was all over, when she didn't have to ignore the fact that Fitz would much rather Olivia Pope was standing next to him.

Fitz looked over at his wife, usually she would've bitten Cyrus' head off after a comment like that but she'd just taken it- something that was most unusual for her. "Give us a minute Cy." He said, waiting until Cyrus had left the room before he got up from behind his desk and knelt down infront of his wife. "Mellie?" He looked at her, waiting for some kind of response. "Mellie?" He repeated, reaching out a hand to rest on her cheek. As he did so he caught a whiff of alcohol. "Have you been drinking again?" He asked her.

Her eyes opened just a fraction, watching him. "Maybe- so what if I have. It's not like you care." She retorted, watching as he retracted his hand.

"Of course I care!" Her words surprised him a little. Their relationship may not have been at its best but of course he still cared about her- how could she possibly think he didn't?

Mellie gave a dry, sarcastic laugh. "Oh yeah that's right- you do care. You just don't care about me quite as much as you care about Olivia. Did I get it right that time?" She squeezed her eyes shut again as the room around her began to spin, Fitz's face seemed strangely out of focus and his voice sounded as though it was coming from a long way away instead of just infront of her.

"Mellie?" He called her name again as she laid down on the sofa slowly. If this was the result of her drinking she wouldn't be doing that again in a hurry. She didn't think she'd ever felt quite so rough in her life. "Cyrus!" He barked, the door opening and Cyrus appearing beside him.

"Yes?" Cyrus surveyed the scene infront of him. "Is everything okay?"

"Cancel the interview. The First Lady is unwell." He ordered, perching on the edge of the sofa next to his wife.

Cyrus looked at his watch. "Sir, we can't just cancel five minutes before they're due to start." He looked at Fitz.

"She can't go on national tv like this Cyrus, look at her." They both turned to look at Mellie who was almost as white as the walls of the office.

"Can I smell alcohol?" Cyrus asked, taking a deep breath. "Please tell me she's not drunk… I've put up with a lot of shit from you two but this is just a whole new level!"

"I'm not drunk." Mellie mumbled. "A lady never gets drunk." The slight slur to her words suggested otherwise.

"Just fix it Cy, tell them whatever the hell you need to, but we can't do that interview today." Fitz said firmly. "close the door on your way out." He added as Cyrus turned to leave.

For the second time that week Fitz found himself sat on the edge of the sofa in his office with his drunken wife passed out next to him. He stroked her hair softly for a few moments. Sooner or later they were going to have to talk about this. Mellie couldn't just carry on drinking herself in to oblivion. Shaking his head he placed a quick kiss on her forehead before going to stand up.

"Don't leave me." Mellie whispered so quietly he wondered if he'd heard her right. He sat back down, pulling her head gently in to his lap.

"I'm not going anywhere." He told her, and this time he actually meant it.


	6. Chapter 6

_Once again, thank you to all the readers who have left lovely reviews on this story. You are the reason I'm still writing. I've turned off the email notifications for reviews, I'm sick and tired of waking up the mornings to find my inbox full of reviews from people who hate my story because they don't like Mellie as a character or they dislike the way I've chosen to write this story. You know nothing about me, what is that has inspired me to write this story or why I feel the way I do about the character of Mellie. If you'd like to register for an account and send me a PM then I'd be happy to discuss my motivations for writing this story and what you feel the issues are with the way I have gone about this. However, I will not accept you hiding behind anonymous guest reviews and saying that 'people like me' are what is wrong with this fandom. I'm just as entitled to my opinion as you are. If this is what I want to write about then I will, you don't have to read it- no one is forcing you to- but don't feel like you can attempt to bully me in to stopping writing or changing this story in to something you would like to read. I don't write for you, I write for me because I enjoy it. So while constructive criticism on this story is very much welcomed, the hateful messages and reviews aren't._

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><p>"How are you doing?" Mellie's eyes opened to find herself staring at the ceiling of the oval office with her head rested in her husband's lap, a pile of papers next to him. His fingers gently stroked her hair as she looked up at him.<p>

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, watching his forehead crease in to a frown.

"What are you apologising for?" He asked.

"Getting drunk in the middle of the day, twice. You had to cancel an interview because of me which I'm sure Cyrus wasn't happy about. I'm pretty sure you had more important things to do with your day other than sit here with me while I sobered up." She explained.

Fitz smiled. "I did have many, incredibly boring, briefings to attend- so really I should be thanking you for saving me."

Mellie smiled too, for the first time in months it was a genuine smile that actually reached her eyes. "You're the President, you're supposed to go to those things."

Fitz shrugged. "The world isn't going to end if I miss one, at least I hope not. This was far more important." He paused for a second, looking at his wife. "Are we going to talk about what it is that's going on in your head?"

Mellie tensed up visibly. She'd never been great at sharing things, much preferring to keep her emotions bottled up and hope that eventually they'd disappear. "It's fine." She told him, avoiding his eyes.

"Mellie." Fitz said seriously, his hand coming to rest gently on her cheek. "It's not fine, whatever is going on- it's not fine. You need to talk to me about these things, you can't just keep drinking until you forget."

"What does it take to get a few minutes peace around here?" Fitz groaned as Cyrus barged in.

"Sorry to interrupt, well actually I'm not sorry because my life is a living hell at the moment trying to rearrange everything because you've spent all day holed up in here." Cyrus sat down on the sofa opposite them.

"Spit it out Cyrus." Fitz snapped, becoming increasingly impatient. He could've sworn Cyrus always knew the worst possible time to interrupt.

"There have been accusations made of drug use during your time in the Governors' mansion." Cyrus said, looking at Fitz questioningly.

"That's insane! Where the hell did that come from?"

Cyrus sighed. "They've got rock solid evidence apparently, so I need you to cut the crap Fitz and tell me how bad this is."

"It's not true Cy! Whatever evidence they say they've got is false." Fitz argued. "How do we stop this?"

"I'll leave you two to discuss this. I have some things to attend to." Mellie said, standing up.

"I'm sorry Mellie, I'll see you for dinner tonight?" Fitz asked, running a hand through his hair.

She nodded and gave him a small smile as she walked out of the room. "I need a car." She said to Lauren as she walked out of the office. "I also need you to make sure that the President doesn't find out where I'm going."

* * *

><p>"Olivia." Mellie greeted her as she walked in to Olivia's office. "It's okay, I'm not here about the fact you're screwing my husband. I need your help."<p>

"What's going on Mellie?" Olivia asked, eying the other woman suspiciously. She had to admit when she'd seen the secret service getting out the elevator she'd been expecting Fitz to walk out behind them- not his wife.

"Someone is making accusations about drug use in the Governors' mansion while Fitz and I were there." Mellie said, watching the confusion cross Olivia's face.

"What does this have to do with me? I'm assuming it's not true so what's the problem." She asked, leaning against her desk.

Mellie took a deep breath, looking at Olivia. "I did something really stupid Olivia, that Fitz can never find out about. I can't let this ruin his re-election campaign." She hesitated again. "I need you to fix this for him."

* * *

><p>Both Fitz and Cyrus did a double take when Mellie walked back in the Oval Office just over an hour later with Olivia by her side. "What is this?" Fitz asked as he looked from his wife, to his mistress then back again.<p>

"Olivia is here to fix this for you." She said, smiling reassuringly at Fitz. "Don't worry, I didn't hurt her. We just need someone good to make this go away before it does any damage to your re-election campaign."

Fitz just stared at the two women, beyond confused about what was going on. "Excellent!" Cyrus beamed, beyond relieved to have Olivia there to fix it for them. "Obviously, there's no truth at all behind these allegations."

"No, of course not." Olivia said slowly, looking at Mellie. "I'll handle it." She promised, receiving a grateful smile from Mellie. "Cyrus, shall we go to your office and you can show me the message you received?" She suggested, walking towards the door. Cyrus nodded and quickly followed after her.

As the door closed behind them Fitz walked towards his Wife, putting his arms around her and pulling her closer. "Thank you. I know that wasn't easy for you." He said. "I'm sure it won't take long for this all to be straightened out. There's absolutely no truth behind it at all."

Mellie's breath caught in her throat. She was going to have to tell him. But how? What was she going to say to him that wouldn't end with him blaming himself for what she'd done. She couldn't keep lying to him forever.

"Fitz." She said, causing him to look at her curiously. "Sit down, there's something I need to tell you." Her heart was hammering erratically in her chest.

"Okay.." Fitz said slowly, sitting down on the sofa and pulling her down next to him. "What is it Mellie? You're scaring me here."

"They're true." She choked out eventually.

"What's true?" Fitz asked, not really understanding what she was talking about. Maybe she was drunk again, that would certainly explain it.

"The drugs in the Governors' mansion. It was me." She clarified. There was a long pause while she waited for him to react, to start shouting at her and push her away, but much to her surprise he didn't.

He pulled her closer to him, holding her tightly as she sobbed in to his chest. "Why Mellie? What made you feel like that was the answer?" He asked her quietly, rubbing her back soothingly as she tried to choke back her sobs.

"I…" She stopped, she couldn't tell him what his father had done to her. Even after all these years, even now the man was dead. She couldn't tell him what it was that had pushed her to the edge. Nothing would be changed by Fitz knowing the truth about what had happened that night, except the fact he'd hate his father more than he already did. "I don't know." She told him.

Fitz bit back a response which he knew would just start another argument. "I'm going to have to go and talk to Olivia and Cyrus about this." He said, abruptly loosening his hold on her and walking out of the room, leaving his wife sat in the Oval Office on her own to wonder quite how she'd managed to make such a spectacular mess of what had been her dream life.


	7. Chapter 7

Mellie stayed there, sat in exactly the same spot for quite some time thinking. It took her a little while to even totally register that Fitz had left. Getting up she quickly walked through the hallways, keeping her head down so no one would try to speak to her, making her way back to the bedroom as fast as physically possible.

It was a feeling of huge relief, to get back in there and shut the door behind her. The sound of the lock clicking calmed her slightly, as though she was in her own little bubble. She grabbed the fresh bottle of scotch she'd swiped earlier in the day and opened it, not even bothering to pour it in to a glass.

Fifteen years. Fifteen years she'd been keeping it a secret. Fifteen years she'd kept her mouth shut as it ate away at her from the inside. For fifteen years she'd watched as her marriage had fallen apart around her because she couldn't bare to let Fitz touch her. She'd tried so hard, he wasn't his father. She knew he'd never hurt her, but just the thought of him touching her made her cringe. She'd pushed him in to the waiting arms of Olivia Pope, something she'd learned to live with.

She thought back to that night, fifteen years ago when Andrew had found her laying on the floor. What might have been if he hadn't been there. Would Fitz have been President? Would he be happily married to Olivia? Finding out what his father had done would destroy him, along with the few good memories he may actually have of his father.

What if Jerry and Karen found out? She wasn't ready for that. The questions that would be asked, how on earth was she supposed to explain what had happened? What if someone leaked it to the press? She couldn't face the whole world knowing what her father in law had done to her. She took another swig from the bottle she was clinging on to as though it were her lifeline. Sooner or later Fitz was going to walk through that door and want answers. Was she really ready to tell him the truth, after fifteen years? Even if it might destroy him?

She picked up the bottle of sleeping pills that sat on the bed beside her, the same ones she'd been taking for countless years. She hadn't slept properly since that night with Big Jerry, and if she was honest she didn't think she'd ever sleep properly again. Fitz on the other hand, slept like a baby, despite everything he had going on. Or at least he had done the last time they'd shared a bed, which had actually been quite some time ago. Could she tell him and destroy that for him? He'd come to terms with the fact their marriage was over. He was okay with that, he'd moved on, found Olivia. She didn't want him to feel he had to stay with her out of some kind of obligation because of what his father had done. She'd lived with it for fifteen years and she could live with it for more if she needed to.

Then there was the problem of the drugs, she was going to have to explain it to him somehow. He'd need some kind of explanation at some point. He wouldn't just accept it and move on. Maybe if she-

The turning of the door handle interrupted her train of thought as she froze like a rabbit in headlights. "Mellie?" Fitz called through the door to her, knocking on the door.

She contemplated ignoring him, pretending to be asleep. The logical part of her brain knew she'd have a matter of minutes before either he broke the door down himself or got one of his secret service agents to do it for him. "Coming." She called. As she got out of bed she realised she may have had a little too much to drink and was actually rather unsteady on her feet. Unlocking the door she walked back to the bed, not even bothering to look at him as he walked in.

"We need to talk." He said, walking over to the bed and sitting down beside her.

"What's the point, you only ever hear what you want to when I speak. Just make up whatever the hell you like, I'm not going to argue with you." She reached for the scotch bottle again but Fitz beat her too it.

"I thought we agreed no more drinking?" He looked at his wife before placing the bottle down on the floor well out of her reach. "This isn't just about the problems it could cause for the campaign Mellie. I'm worried about you. Talk to me."

He reached for her hand but she pulled it away. He sure as hell wasn't going to want to touch her once he found out what had happened, so it was better she didn't get used to it now. "Do you really want to know Fitz?" She asked, rubbing her hand wearily across her face. "What you don't know can't hurt you."

"I want to know Mellie, we're supposed to tell each other things." He said, putting his hand on her knee. "We're married."

"What does that even mean anymore Fitz?" She slurred, closing her eyes and resting her head against the headboard. "We don't share a bed, we haven't had sex in years, you invite your mistress in to our home and I pretend to be okay with it….. What does our marriage even mean anymore Fitz? Cyrus told me you were talking to him about divorcing him. Is that what you want? Because if it is then I'll be out of your hair tomorrow because you're in love with Olivia Pope and you deserve to be happy." She wiped away a stray tear that was trickling down her cheek.

"Mellie, I love you…" He started but she interrupted him.

"Just not as much as you love Olivia." She stated, leaving him stunned in to silence. "It's okay. I know." She cleared her throat and tried to regain some composure. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to take a shower." She didn't wait for a response from him as she walked in to the bathroom.

Once the door was safely closed behind her she sunk down on to the floor, hugging her knees and silently let out the sobs she'd been holding back. She'd promised herself she wouldn't do this, no matter what happened- she wouldn't cry over the fact her husband was more in love with Olivia Pope than he was her. Yet here she was, yet again. She couldn't bring herself to tell him what had happened fifteen years ago, what had ultimately led to their marriage crumbling around them. She couldn't tell him because she couldn't bear to see that look of pity in his eyes for the rest of her life. She'd rather he thought she was a cold hearted, power hungry bitch.

* * *

><p>"What is it Liv?" He asked, walking in to his office. "I really don't have time for this, not tonight." He'd sat and waited for half an hour for Mellie to come out of the bathroom where she was obviously planning to hide. The Olivia had called and said there was something urgent they needed to discuss.<p>

"I was just talking to Andrew." She said, watching as Fitz stopped pacing.

"What has Andrew got to do with my wife?" He asked, confused.

"He already knew, about the drugs in the Governors mansion. He told me something, and he made me promise I wouldn't tell you but I… I can't just.." She hesitated as Fitz walked towards her.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked, waiting for her to tell him.

"It's Mellie…"She said slowly, trying to convince herself she was doing the right thing.

* * *

><p>Fitz felt as though he were in some kind of dream, or maybe nightmare would've been more accurate, as he walked back in the direction he'd come earlier. He didn't want to believe that anything Olivia had just told him could be true, but unfortunately he couldn't ignore the fact that it all added up. Could he really have not noticed what had happened?<p>

When he opened the bedroom door and couldn't see her he started to worry that she'd run or done something stupid. Then he saw the light coming from underneath the bathroom door. "Mellie?" He knocked gently but got no response. "Mellie?" He called again, but louder. He tried the door handle despite the fact he knew it would be locked. After a moments hesitation he took a step back, before using his shoulder to break through the door.

On the other side he found his wife, sat on the floor in the corner of the bathroom, hugging her knees and twirling a bottle of pills between her fingers. He didn't say anything, walking across the room and sitting down beside her. He put an arm around her, the other hand gently closing around the bottle of pills and removing them from her hand. She laid her head against his chest as the tears continued to flow. "You know." It was a statement rather than a question, she already knew the answer. She could see it from the pitying look she'd spent fifteen years trying to avoid.

"I know." He stated, kissing the top of her hair. "It's okay, it's all going to be okay."

"I tried so hard.." Mellie choked out. "I fought him, I fought and I just… I couldn't."

"Shhh… It's okay, I know. It's going to be okay." He comforted her, holding her tightly. It was breaking his heart to watch his wife fall apart like this, to know that for fifteen years she'd kept this secret bottled up. She'd stood there while he'd yelled at her for the fact that she wouldn't let him touch her and never once had she said anything.

"The pills… I tried to kill myself Fitz." She whispered almost inaudibly.

"I know, Andrew told Liv." He said.

"If he hadn't found me you would've come home and tripped over my body on your office floor." She choked back another sob. "Fitz… If you hadn't come in here I…" She didn't want to think about what she might have done. "It seemed like the only option."

"But he did find you, and I'm here now. That's all that matters. We can get through the rest of it. I promise." He brushed away the tears from her cheeks. "Now come on, lets get you in to bed." He said, standing up and pulling her with him. "It's going to be okay Mellie, I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey Guys, I've changed the timings around a little compared to the show, I still can't make my mind up if I want to include Jerry's death in this or not so I've left it out for the moment until I make up my mind. Let me know what you think. Hopefully you'll enjoy this update :)_

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><p>"Mellie." Fitz shook her gently. "Mellie, wake up." He watched as her eyes snapped open, wide with panic.<p>

"What-" She mumbled, looking at her husbands worried face. "What time is it?"

"2.30am. You were having a nightmare." He looked at her, the concern evident on his face as he put his arms around her and gently pushed her hair off her face.

"Sorry-" She started to apologise, it was the fourth night he'd woken her during the night because she'd been screaming in her sleep.

"Don't apologise. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

She shook her head quickly. "It was nothing, sorry I woke you. Let's just go back to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

Fitz sighed before turning of the light and closing his eyes, knowing full well there was no way he'd get back to sleep. He'd awoken to the sound of his wife screaming at his father to get off her, he knew exactly what her nightmares were about, despite the fact she refused to tell him. He listened as her breathing quickly evened out as she fell asleep, the crease in her forehead deepening as she frowned. He tightened his arms around her slightly, wishing there were someway he could go back in time fifteen years and stop her father from hurting her.

* * *

><p>It was nearly lunchtime and Mellie was sat at her desk, staring at different china patterns, as she had been for most of the morning. She could barely keep her eyes open, the fact she hadn't had a good nights sleep for four days starting to take its toll on her. She'd gotten used to drinking enough to fall asleep quickly, and usually without too many of the nightmares that had been haunting her for the past fifteen years.<p>

Fitz had made her promise not to drink anymore, something she'd agreed to because she could see how worried he was about her. The next day she'd come down to her office to find the decanter that had been filled with hooch had disappeared, something that the staff all claimed to know nothing about. She had no idea what Fitz said to the staff but she could see them all watching her warily, the secret service following her even more closely than usual and the aids coming in to the office what seemed like every five minutes to ask if she was okay or if she needed anything.

She held back a groan of frustration as the door to the office opened again. "I'm fine, go away!" She snapped, looking up as she heard a familiar laugh.

"Hello to you too!" Her husband laughed, walking in to the office and sitting down opposite her.

"Sorry, I didn't realise it was you." She said flatly, looking back down at the patterns in front of her.

"Clearly, no wonder all the aids looked so scared." He laughed.

"What do you want Fitz? I'm busy." She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, standing up and walking around the desk to stand behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed gently as she rested her head in her hands.

"It's fine. I'm picking out china patterns Fitz- it's not rocket science." She snapped. "Sorry, I'm just having a bad day." She apologised quickly, turning in her chair to face him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as she stood up and stepped in to his waiting arms.

"Not really." She mumbled in to his chest as he rubbed her back soothingly. "If you want to help me you can go and tell the secret service and the aids to stop coming in here and asking if I'm okay every five minutes."

"Sorry, that might be my fault." He laughed quietly. "I'll tell them to back off."

Mellie laughed quietly. "I'm fine you know, you don't have to worry. I've been carrying this around with me for fifteen years. Just because you know now doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to break."

"I know, I just wish there were some way that I could fix it. If I hadn't gone to bed so early that night, if I hadn't left you there with him-" He trailed off as Mellie shook his head.

"I've spent fifteen years thinking like that Fitz, wondering if I could've fought harder, if maybe I'd screamed a little louder you might have heard me… Nothing you do now is going to change what happens."

"Mr President?" Fitz rolled his eyes as he heard Cyrus' voice on the other side of the door. The mans timing was impeccable.

"Go away Cyrus!" He called back, earning a laugh from Mellie.

"You should go, you're the president you have things to do!" She laughed, pushing him away.

"Five more minutes." He smiled, pulling her closer. "Cyrus is driving me crazy."

"Mr President, Sir, I'm sorry but there is something that requires your attention urgently." Cyrus called.

Fitz groaned. "There are times I hate being the President." He complained.

"No you don't, you love it. Now go, run a country!" Mellie smiled as she straightened his tie and gave him a quick kiss. "Then come back and see me afterwards." She said as he reached the door.

"This had better be good Cyrus." He said as they walked back towards the Oval.

* * *

><p>"Sir!"<p>

"What ever it is Cyrus, it's going to have to wait until tomorrow, it's…" He paused to check his watch. "1am, I'm going to see my wife and then go to bed." He had spent what felt like an eternity trapped in emergency security briefings ever since a cyrus turned up outside Mellie's office

"Sir, it's Karen." Cyrus said, causing the President to stop dead in his tracks.

"What do you mean it's Karen?" He asked walking back towards the office.

"Olivia just called me."

"What the hell has this got to do with Olivia?" Fitz demanded, running his hand through his hair.

"She slipped her secret service agents and ended up at a party 500 miles from school, she called Olivia and they're bringing her here now." Cyrus explained as they reached the office.

"Fantastic, that's just what I needed." Fitz muttered.

"Unfortunately Sir it get's worse- she made a sex tape." Cyrus told him as they reached the door to the Oval.

"Oh well that's just brilliant!" Fitz muttered angrily as Cyrus followed him in to the Oval.

"Shall I have someone wake the First Lady?" Cyrus asked nervously as he watched the President pace back and forth across the office.

Fitz shook his head quickly. "No, you're to make sure that the First Lady never finds out about this are we clear? This is the last thing she needs right now"

"Yes Sir."


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm sorry Ma'am but the President said he wasn't to be disturbed." Lauren told her as she reached the door of the Oval.

"Oh, I see." Mellie replied, trying to mask the hurt. "Could you tell me who he is in there with please Lauren?" She asked, although she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"Sorry Ma'am." Lauren gave her an apologetic smile that made it clear she wasn't going to be getting any further information on who her husband had spent the entire night in the Oval Office with.

As she'd been about to make her way back to her office, she'd spotted a familiar figure just ahead of her in the hallway, Olivia Pope. That would certainly explain her husbands absence. She considered chasing Olivia down the hallway and demanding some answers, but there was absolutely no point. She should've known this would happen, that in the end her husband would go back to his mistress. She'd been foolish and naive to believe that anything had really changed between them.

She was an idiot, she'd fallen for it yet again.

Changing her mind about going back to her office, she walked up to the residence. She quickly went in to the dining room, undoing the cupboard she reached right in to the back and pulled out the bottle of hooch she'd hidden when Fitz had one of the aids go around and remove all the alcohol after he'd decided she was drinking too much. Pouring out a glass, she sat at the dining room table and sipped at the clear liquid. Maybe if she drank enough she could forget about everything.

* * *

><p>"They want 2.5 million dollars?" Fitz said disbelievingly as he turned to face Olivia.<p>

She nodded. "If you don't give it to them then they're going to release the tape."

"This is just fantastic, just what I needed!" Fitz muttered under his breath, leaning against his desk.

"What do you want to do? You have the money, you could just pay them. Do you want to talk to Mellie and see what she thinks?" She asked, walking towards him.

Fitz laughed sarcastically. "Mellie isn't.." He hesitated, looking for the right words. "Mellie, at the moment."

"What do you mean? Is this about your father?" She asked, leaning against the desk next to him, their hands brushing against each other.

"She's… She's a mess Liv, and she's trying to hide it. She's just not the Mellie I recognise and I don't know what to do. I know what to do with cold, bitchy Mellie. I've got twenty years of experience of that! This Mellie, I haven't got a clue." He rubbed his hand across his face wearily. "She has these nightmares, she screams at my father to get off her in her sleep. How did I miss that for fifteen years? I was clueless."

"You can't blame yourself Fitz." Olivia comforted him, putting her hand on his arm. "I'll deal with the Karen situation and then we'll-" She stopped as the door to the office swung open.

"Sorry to interrupt your little love fest in here…" Mellie slurred drunkenly, leaning against the door frame. "I was just coming to ask you when you were planning to inform me that our daughter was here?"

"Mellie." Fitz sighed, walking over to her. He should've known this would come back to bite him in the ass. "I thought we said no more drinking?" He reached for the glass the was clinging on to but she snatched it away from him.

"And I thought we agreed you would stop screwing Olivia Pope." She spat back at him. "Looks like neither of us are getting what we want Fitz." She laughed sarcastically. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find my daughter."

Fitz looked at Olivia desperately. "Karen's not available at the moment." Fitz said quickly, looking back at his Wife.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mellie demanded, draining the glass she'd been holding and setting it down on the side table.

"You're going to have to tell her Fitz, she has a right to know." Olivia said, nodding as he looked at her again.

"Has a right to know what?" Mellie asked, her words all slurring together.

"You're drunk Mellie." Fitz stated, his arms reaching out towards her as she wobbled unsteadily on her heels.

"Get your hands away from me and answer my question." She snapped back at him, slapping his outstretched hands away from her.

"It's all being taken care of Mellie, there's nothing for you to worry about. Karen went to a party last night and got in to some trouble, but Olivia's handling it." He said calmly. "Maybe you should sit down?" He was seriously worried she was going to fall.

"Shut up Fitz, I'm fine." She turned to Olivia since her husband clearly wasn't going to answer her. "What kind of trouble Olivia?"

Olivia looked to Fitz who nodded, Mellie wasn't going to give up until she had an answer. "A sex tape, but I'm handling it." She told her, watching in confusion as Mellie began laughing loudly. She exchanged a look of confusion with Fitz- that was not the reaction she'd been expecting.

"Well, well. She takes after her Daddy doesn't she!" Mellie laughed, turning to leave.

"Mellie!" Fitz called, following her towards the door. "We need to talk about this."

She turned to face him, giving him an icy glare. "I'm done Fitz." She stated simply. "I'm done trying to compete with her." She gestured towards Olivia who shifted uncomfortably. "Because we both know that I'm never going to win." She reached for the door handle.

"Mellie, please." Fitz called after her but she ignored him, walking out of the office door and rather unsteadily making her way back down the hallway to the residence.

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><p>Mellie looked up as the door to the dining room opened, hoping it would be Karen. She rolled her eyes and laid her head back on the table when she saw Fitz standing in the doorway. "Where's Karen?" She asked him.<p>

"I'm not letting her see you like this Mellie. You're a mess." He said, pulling out the chair next to her and sitting down.

"Don't touch me." Mellie growled, causing him to quickly remove the hand he'd just placed on her shoulder.

"Mellie, please." He pleaded. "Just hear me out. I didn't want you to have to worry about whatever teenage rebellion stage Karen is going through. You've got enough on your plate as it is without adding this to it. I was trying to help you." He blurted out quickly before she had a chance to interrupt him.

Mellie raised her head from the table to glare at him. "I had enough on my plate? She's my daughter Fitz! You don't have the right to decide to not tell me about what is going on with her life! As if it's not bad enough that you decided not to tell me, you then brought your mistress in to fix the situation!"

"I didn't call Liv, Karen did." He told her, trying to keep control of his anger. The last thing they needed was to have another screaming match about this.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better Fitz?" Mellie retorted. "That I'm such a failure at being a wife and a mother that even my own daughter feels Olivia Pope is better equiped to solve her problems." She blinked back a few tears that were beginning to well in her eyes.

"That's not what I meant Mellie, you know it isn't." Fitz argued. "This is what Olivia does!"

"And I'm Karen's mother and your Wife!" Mellie yelled at him, standing up to leave. "Not that it counts for anything around here anymore." She muttered under her breath.

"That's not fair Mellie!" Fitz argued, he'd only been trying to save her the worry.

"Life isn't fair Fitz." She said quietly, walking out of the dining room and disappearing in to the bedroom.


	10. Chapter 10

"Mellie, please. We need to talk about this." Fitz pleaded as he rushed through hallways of the West Wing in pursuit of his wife. She'd been avoiding him for two weeks after the incident with Karen, then he'd been away for another two weeks on visits that he'd tried desperately to get out off. The result being them having barely spoken for nearly a month, something Fitz was eager to change.

"I don't have time Fitz." Mellie called back to him without bothering to look at him. "I'm done- I told you that a month ago and I meant it." She continued to walk as quickly as she could to her office. She'd been hoping he'd give up but he was even more persistent than usual. She let out a quiet sigh of relief when she reached the office, just managing to lock the door behind her before Fitz could get there. She was safe for the moment, he couldn't make a scene and demand she let him in while all the staff were around. That would give her time to get her head straight and work out what she was going to say to him.

"Mellie." Fitz called, knocking on the door. He tried the handle but he knew it would be locked. After waiting for a few moments he reluctantly walked away from his wife's office and back to the oval. Sooner or later they were going to have to talk about what had happened between them before he'd left. They couldn't go back to ignoring each other's existence.

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><p>Mellie sat behind her desk, staring at the same sheet of paper she had been looking at all day. She was finding it impossible to concentrate on anything knowing that she was going to have to talk to Fitz sooner or later. Her life had been so much easier while he was away, she hadn't felt as though she was walking on egg shells the entire time. Before he'd left she'd been furious with him, the time away had given her enough time to calm down that she felt more indifferent towards her husband than angry. She had no idea where they stood, what he was thinking. She needed to talk to him and find out what was happening, much to her disappointment- it was something she'd have to deal with sooner or later.<p>

Fitz looked up as there was a timid knock on his office door. "Come in!" He called, trying to hide his surprise as his wife walked in to the Oval Office. After the way she'd avoided him that morning he was expecting to spend days trying to get her to talk to him- she always had been stubborn. "Mellie.." He greeted her, getting up from behind his desk as she locked the door behind her and took a seat on one of the sofas.

"Sit down Fitz." She gestured to the sofa opposite her. Fitz walked over and sat down beside his wife, looking at her curiously. He couldn't work out what she was about to say, usually he could read her pretty well, but he was absolutely clueless. Mellie shifted in the chair slightly, creating some distance between her and her husband. "We need to talk about what's going to happen here Fitz." She said quickly, deciding there was no point trying to make small talk.

Fitz frowned. "What do you mean, I don't follow?"

Mellie sighed. "I'm talking about the conversation we had before you left. I know that it's almost time for the reelection so we can't really get a divorce right now, unless of course that is what you want-"

Fitz cut her off, totally surprised by the direction the conversation had taken. "Wait- what?! Who is talking about divorce?" He could remember the argument they'd had before his trip clearly and he didn't remember any mention of divorce.

"I can't keep doing this Fitz. I am sick and tired of the arguing, the lies and pretending that it's all okay when it's not Fitz! I can't do another four years of this!" She fought back a few tears that threatened to fall. "Our marriage is over Fitz, it has been for a while and I think it's time we accept that and try to move on."

"What..." Fitz mumbled, staring at his wife.

Mellie looked him in the eye for the first time since she'd walked in to his office. "Don't look so surprised Fitz. You're the one who suggested it originally. I was stupid not to agree to it then. This marriage is over. We need to be sensible about this now."

"So this is it?" Fitz asked, his mind reeling. He'd known things were bad between the two of them, he just hadn't realised quite how far he'd pushed his wife.

"It looks like it Fitz. " Mellie stated, standing up and smoothing out her skirt. "I'll stand by your side through the reelection campaign if that's what you would like, of course. That's as far as this goes though Fitz. I can't keep doing this." She walked towards the door to leave but Fitz's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Do you still love me?" He called after her, the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Fitz, I..." Mellie stuttered, the question catching her off guard.

"Do you still love me? Because if you still love me, there's hope that we can fix this." He said, standing up and down walking towards her.

"Fitz." Mellie said slowly, backing away slightly as he approached. She'd spent twenty years married to the man, how could he not know the answer to that question. "You are in love with Olivia Pope." She stated, reaching for the door handle.

"You didn't answer my question." Fitz said, leaning past her and putting his hand on the door handle to prevent her from opening it.

"Fitz, please. We can't do this." Mellie pleaded, trying to push his hand off the handle.

"Just answer me Mellie, please." He removed his hand from the handle and took half a step back, suddenly becoming incredibly aware of just how close he was standing to his wife. He'd forgotten how good she smelt, the overwhelming stench of alcohol he'd come to associate with her was gone, leaving behind the smell of her lavender shampoo and the perfume he loved so much.

"Of course I do Fitz, we've been married for twenty years. Of course I love you- I'll never stop loving you." Mellie whispered, looking up at her husband.

Fitz opened his mouth to speak and Mellie shook her head. "It's not enough though Fitz. We can't keep doing this. We tear each other to shreds at every opportunity, it's not healthy. I love you, and that's why I'm doing this. You deserve to be happy, and you'll never be happy if we try and fix this. Neither of us will." She opened the door and quickly walked out of the office as she finished speaking. Fitz was left standing in the Oval Office alone, staring and the space where his wife had just been standing, wondering if his marriage was really over this time. Not that long ago, the opportunity to divorce Mellie would've been cause for celebration, now the thought that twenty years of marriage was over was destroying him.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks so much for the lovely reviews on the previous chapter, it made me smile reading them. I'm well aware the events of this chapter do not take place exactly as they did on the show incase anyone feels the need to point that out to me! Enjoy :)_

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><p>"Fitz." Mellie greeted her husband as they made their way in the direction of the stage ready for Fitz to make his speech,Karen and Jerry close behind them.<p>

"I guess this is it then." Fitz shrugged, forcing a smile. "Thanks for everything you've done on the campaign Mels."

Mellie gave him a smile and squeezed his hand gently. "I'm just sorry it wasn't enough, I truly am Fitz."

He squeezed her hand gently and flashed her a smile. "It's okay, really. I think this is just how things were meant to be. I've enjoyed being president but it was never going to last forever." He squeezed her hand one last time before removing it from her grasp. It was the longest conversation they'd had in the weeks since Mellie had announced she wanted a divorce. As much as Fitz wanted to argue with her, a part of him wondered if maybe she was right. They couldn't continue to argue and declare war on each other, it just wasn't healthy.

"Come on then, let's get this over and done with." Mellie smiled, turning to her children and giving them both a smile. She nodded and then followed Fitz on to the stage, standing beside Karen and Jerry as her husband spoke. She stood, watching her husband talk with a huge feeling of pride, even after all that had happened between them during his campaign and presidency, she still loved him and couldn't help but be proud of all he'd achieved.

"Are you okay?" She muttered under her breath as Jerry sneezed next to her. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at her son as he sneezed again. "Jerry?" She turned to look at him as he held his hand up to try and catch the blood that was streaming from his nose.

"Fitz." She called quietly, making sure to keep the smile on her face as she put an arm around her son. He hadn't heard her and continued with his speech.

"Fitz!" She screamed, the panic overriding as Jerry's knees buckled and he fell to the floor as she struggled to hold him up.

Fitz stopped mid sentence and spun around to look at his wife as he hears the fear in her voice, their eyes meeting for a second, the panic he was feeling was reflected in her expression. After a moments hesitation Fitz rushed over to them and scooped Jerry up off the floor, rushing off the stage and out to the ambulance.

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><p>Several hours later, Fitz found himself sat staring at the walls of the hospital. He felt numb, as though he were trapped in a nightmare, praying he'd wake up any second. It had to be some kind of nightmare, the possibility of the events of the past few hours being real was just too much.<p>

He'd been waiting for the emotion, for the uncontrollable crying to come. Mellie and Karen had both broken down when they'd heard the news, the doctors eventually making the decision to sedate the both of them in order to calm them down. They'd wanted to sedate him too but he had refused, and somehow he didn't see them doing it against his will. It had broken his heart, watching his wife and daughter react to the news. As he stared at the piece of paper in his hand, the one that stated his sons death had been caused by a strain of meningitis kept under lock and key, his heart broke a little more How was he supposed to tell them it was his fault Jerry was dead? If he'd never become president this wouldn't have happened.

He'd lost so much in the past few weeks it was difficult to imagine how his life was going to continue. His wife of twenty years wanted a divorce, his son had been murdered and he was about to lose the presidency. The presidency he'd worked so hard for and had ended up costing him everything that had truly mattered in his life. How had he been so stupid? He walked back through the hallway to the room where Mellie and Karen sat, leaning on each other, Mellie's hand tightly gripping Karen's. He sat down next to them and put an arm around his wife as the tears he'd been waiting for finally started to fall.

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><p>"Not now Cyrus." He snapped, walking through the residence in search of his wife. He knew Cyrus meant well but he just wanted to be left alone to grieve, was that really too much to ask? Mellie had disappeared almost instantly as soon as they'd returned to the White House. Fitz knew where she'd be, it came as no surprise to find her sat on Jerry's bed, clutching one of his sweaters to her chest with one hand and a glass of hooch in the other. He walked in to the room, shutting the door in Cyrus' face and sat down on the bed beside her.<p>

"I thought we said no more drinking?" He said, prying the half empty glass out of her hand and placing it on the table.

"I pushed him away." Mellie mumbled as Fitz put an arm around her and pulled her closer. "I pushed him away because I was afraid, because every time I looked at him I was reminded of Big Jerry and I just wanted to forget." She sobbed in to Fitz's chest. She'd been a terrible mother, she'd pushed her son away because of her fears over who his father may be and now she finally knew the truth she'd never get to make it up to him.

"He knew you loved him Mels." Fitz said soothingly, rubbing her back. "You can't blame yourself for this." He held her tightly as she sobbed in to his shirt, clutching at Jerry's sweater.

"I kept my distance from him, and now he's gone and I won't get to make it up to him. I'll never get to tell him how sorry I am for all the times I pushed him away Fitz. He'll never know how much I loved him." She sobbed, struggling to catch her breath as she fought to gain control of her emotions.

"Shhh, it's okay Mellie," Fitz said calmly, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her. "Deep breaths." He reminded her, listening as she took a couple of shaky breaths. He was worried she was about to have s full blown panic attack if he didn't calm her down.

"How can you say it's okay? Our son is dead Fitz!" She tried to push him away but he held on to her tightly.

"I know Mellie, and I know it doesn't seem like it's ever going to be okay, but we will get through this- I promise." He told her, even if he wasn't convinced it was the truth, it was what she needed to hear.

In any other circumstance Mellie would've reminded him how little his promises were worth to her, he'd broken so many. This was different though, she wanted so desperately to believe him. "We should go check on Karen." She choked out after a few moments silence.

Fitz nodded, standing up and offering her his hand which she gratefully took. Mellie glanced around her sons empty bedroom once more before closing the door behind her. It hadn't fully sunk in that she'd never see him again. She watched Fitz as he knocked on Karen's bedroom door. He'd been so strong throughout all of it, holding it together for the sake of Karen. She couldn't imagine what life would be like once they were divorced and he wasn't there to support her anymore. Despite the fact she'd often argued she was the one holding him up, there were so many times she didn't know what she would've done if he hadn't been there to pick her up off the floor, especially recently. As they walked in to Karen's room hand in hand she pushed the thoughts from her mind. She could deal with that when the time came, her daughter was far more important at that moment in time. She was determined not to make the same mistakes with Karen as she had with Jerry.


	12. Chapter 12

"Sir! We have a problem!" Cyrus announced as he walked in to the Oval Office holding a piece of paper in Fitz's direction as he approached the desk.

Fitz looked up from what he'd been doing and suppressed a groan. He'd won the presidency, the American public rallying behind him after the death of his son, and things had been non stop since then. He'd just wanted five minutes of quiet and now it seemed he wasn't even going to get that. "What is it Cyrus?" He sighed, extending a hand to take the paper from him.

"It's the First Lady Sir," Cyrus said hesitantly. Fitz and Mellie's relationship was something he'd never really understood and he could never quite predict how Fitz would react.

"Where did you get this?" Fitz snapped, looking down at the photo in front of him. It was of Mellie, sitting on Jerry's grave in her sweatpants and robe. "How did someone get past the security?" He looked up at Cyrus, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know Sir, I'm looking in to it. The biggest problem is the fact this will be on the front of every news paper in the country by tomorrow morning. There's a lot of questions being asked about the First Lady's state of mind..." Cyrus trailed off as he watched Fitz's facial expression change to one of anger.

"She just lost a child, of course she's not in the best state of mind!" He snapped, "what are you going to do about this?" He demanded.

"I think the best thing would be if Mellie accompanied you to the state of the union tomorrow. If she's not there it's only going to raise more questions." Cyrus suggested hesitantly. From what he'd seen over the last few weeks the chances of Mellie getting dressed and going out to do her duty as First Lady were slim to none.

Fitz shook his head. "Is that all you've got?" He sighed. He didn't want to have to force Mellie to do anything she didn't want to do. He hadn't seen her sober and dressed in anything other than sweatpants since Karen had gone back to school last week.

"You know it's the only thing that will work sir." Cyrus said, feeling relieved as Fitz nodded slowly.

"I'll go and talk to her." He agreed eventually. Cyrus was right, they needed to find a way to kill these rumours, he just hoped Mellie would understand.

She was exactly where he was expecting her to be, sat on the balcony of their bedroom in her robe. "Mellie." He greeted her, walking out on to the balcony and sitting down next to her. He watched as she gulped down the last of the drink she'd been clutching before turning to look at him.

"Fitz." She acknowledged his presence before staring back out over the gardens. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

His heart sank as he heard the sarcasm in her voice, this was very unlikely to end the way Cyrus wanted it to. "We need to talk." He said warily, watching as she poured out another glass of hooch and settled back in to her chair, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Go ahead then." Mellie rolled her eyes and went to take another sip of her drink.

"Can you just stop drinking for five minutes?" Fitz snapped, reaching to take the glass from her but she snatched it out of his reach.

"Just get this over with Fitz, whatever it is that you feel you need to say." She'd known there was only so long she could get away with lounging around the White House drinking all day before Fitz would snap. He'd gently encouraged her to stop drinking and go back to work last week, and she had genuinely tried- something she doubted he would believe. She could sense his patience was beginning to wear thin though, something she could blame him for. If she was honest she just couldn't see the point anymore. All the trivial little things she'd spent her days worrying about previously seemed so ridiculous.

"Are you even listening to me?" Fitz snapped her out of her thoughts by waving his hand in front of her face.

Mellie took another swig of her drink. "Sorry." She mumbled, trying to focus on what he was saying.

"The thing is Mellie." Fitz shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Someone has got a photo of you at Jerry's grave and they're making all kinds of accusations about your state of mind. Cyrus and I have discussed it and we think the best way to put a stop to these rumours would be for you to attend the state of the Union with me tomorrow." He explained, watching her for some kind of reaction.

Much to his surprise she burst out laughing after a long silence, a sound he hadn't heard for a long time. Once she'd eventually composed herself she turned to face him. "You've got to be kidding me." She laughed, draining her glass which earned a look of disapproval from her husband."You should know that's not going to happen."

Fitz sighed, this was the direction he'd expected the conversation to go. "Mellie, please. If you aren't there the only thing anyone is going to be talking about is why." He looked at her pleadingly.

"Do you really think I care about what anyone thinks anymore Fitz? I'm done. I'm not coming with you tomorrow night and that is the end of this discussion." She slammed the empty glass on to the table and stood up rather unsteadily. "If you're that bothered about going on your own then take Olivia Pope with you, and then while you're up there you can announce our divorce. I just don't care anymore Fitz." She had intended to walk away from him after that, but the large amount of alcohol she'd consumed on an empty stomach interfered with that plan. She ended up staggering over to the edge of the balcony, Fitz standing up and grabbing a hold of her, petrified she'd fall. He half carried her back in to the bedroom and laid her down on the bed before locking the balcony doors.

"I'll tell Cyrus you've made your decision." He said flatly, not even sure if she was still awake as he stood in the doorway to their bedroom. He stood and watched her for a few seconds before turning to leave.

As he was almost out of the door a whisper so quiet he wasn't sure if he'd heard it right stopped him in his tracks. "I'm sorry Fitz, I really am."

He closed the door again and turned to face her. She was sitting up on the bed looking at him, her eyes shining with the unshed tears. He walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge, taking one of her hands in his and squeezing it gently. "It's okay, you're allowed to be a mess. You lost a child Mellie." He gave her a sad smile as she brushed away a tear that had escaped. "I'll deal with Cyrus, you don't have to come tomorrow night if you don't want to." He leant forward and gently kissed her forehead, trying to ignore the overwhelming smell of alcohol that was coming from her.

He stood up from the bed and walked to the door once more. "Try and get some rest." He said gently, casting one last glance back at his wife.

"Thank you Fitz." Mellie called after him as he walked out of the door. The tears she had been trying to hold back infront of him started to flow freely as the door closed behind him. She wanted so desperately to be able to pull herself together and go and support her husband. He was trying so hard to hold everything together for the sake of her and Karen and she knew it had to be killing him. The thought of putting on her clothes and going out in public, carrying on with life as if nothing had happened- she just didn't think she could do it. "You can do this Mellie." She said the words out loud, as if somehow that would make it easier to convince herself. She could try, for Fitz's sake. She owed it too him to try, she'd like to think she had enough self control left to stay sober and in control of her emotions for one evening,


	13. Chapter 13

Once again thanks for all the lovely messages and reviews, they're very much appreciated. I hope these last few chapters haven't been too sad for you all, things will start getting much cheerier soon a promise. Happy New Year everyone, I hope you enjoy!

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><p>"You can do this." Mellie said, as though saying the words out loud might somehow help her to convince herself. She was standing in her closet, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her hands trembled slightly as she reached up to smooth her hair. She wanted nothing more than to take the bottle of hooch out of the nightstand and have a drink to calm her nerves. She couldn't though, she owed it to Fitz to make an effort and show up sober. She'd like to think she had enough self control left to get through the State of the Union and play her role of dutiful wife, she owed Fitz that.<p>

Taking another deep breath she took one last look in the mirror before she left the bedroom and made her way down to the Oval Office. She kept her eyes down as she walked quickly through the hallways, trying to ignore the way the staff were looking at her. She couldn't say she blamed them, since Karen had gone back to school there hadn't seemed much point in making an effort- she'd grown quite used to wandering around the White House in her sweatpants.

"Are you ready?" She asked, walking in to the Oval Office. Even Fitz and Cyrus were staring at her as if she'd grown two heads.

"W-what?" Fitz stammered out, his eyes never leaving her as she walked towards him.

"The State of the Union? Don't tell me you've forgotten." She joked, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of their stares.

"Right, yes. Of course." Fitz said eventually, forcing a smile. "Are you sure you want to come?" He asked, still watching her warily. She looked slightly more like the Mellie he recognised, the fact she wasn't wearing sweatpants was a huge achievement, but he was still worried this was too much to ask from her.

"Of course she does, now let's get going!" Cyrus interrupted before Mellie had the chance to reply, the delight obvious in his voice.

Fitz studied his wife for a moment, wanting to give her the opportunity to change her mind, better she did it then than half way through his speech. "I'm okay Fitz." Mellie attempted to reassure him, smoothing down the skirt of her dress.

Fitz extended his hand towards her, much to her surprise, but she took it gratefully as they started to make their way towards the car. She gripped his hand tightly, using it to steady herself as she walked. She could do this, hold herself together for a few hours. She'd kill the 'Madam First Crazy' stories so Fitz had one less thing on his plate and Cyrus would get off his back- she owed him that.

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><p>She'd never been so glad to get out of a room when Fitz's speech had eventually come to an end. She'd barely heard a word he said, focused entirely on holding herself together. As she walked quickly back through the hallways she took a couple of deep breaths, her hand against the wall to steady herself. "Are you okay Ma'am?" She vaguely registered the secret service agent speaking to her as she clutched the edge of the table in the centre of the room to try and hold herself upright.<p>

"I'm fine." She snapped, continuing to walk after a few moments once she was convinced she wouldn't fall. She took another deep breath, trying to choke back the sobs that were threatening to over come her. She quickly kicked off her shoes in a futile attempt to help with her balance. She pulled at the pearl necklace that suddenly seemed too tight around her neck, only for it to snap and the pearls to fall to the floor. As she bent down to pick them up a strangled sob that she'd been fighting to suppress escaped her lips, the secret service agent once again appearing at her side.

"Ma'am?" She could feel him hovering nervously beside her unsure of what to do.

"Leave me be!" She she told him, her voice barely more than a whisper as she battled to get control of her emotions.

"Get out of here!" She was vaguely aware of Fitz's voice suddenly appearing behind her as he rushed in to the room to find his wife laying on the floor sobbing. He crouched down on the floor next to her and gently pulled her head in to his lap, brushing her hair off her face. "I'm sorry Mellie, I'm so sorry." He quietly apologised to her as he sat stroking her hair. He should never have allowed cyrus to persuade him to ask Mellie to come. She was a mess, and rightly so, her son had just died. But she'd put on the stupid dress and sat through the state of the union for him, and this is what the effort of trying to hold it together had done to her. "I'm so sorry."

He could feel people staring at him as he scooped his wife up off the floor and carried her out through the hallways and to the car. Cyrus was going to have another heart attack if he saw, but Fitz honestly didn't care in that moment. He carried her easily back to the car, she was as light as a feather in his arms- something that made him wonder when the last time she'd actually eaten something was. He'd have to remember to check. He'd been so busy trying to run a country that it was easier to let Mellie drink herself in to oblivion if that was what made her happy- something that was clearly going to have to change. As he gently placed her in to the back of the limo her fingers tightened around his collar.

"Thanks for showing up." She mumbled against his chest as the car slowly pulled away.

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><p>Mellie woke a few hours later in her bed in the White House incredibly confused. She looked down at the red dress she was wearing, she last thing that she remembered was being at the state of the union. "How are you feeling?" Fitz voice made her jump, she hadn't even noticed him sat on the other side of the bed.<p>

She pushed herself upright and leant against the headboard next to him. "I'm sorry." She said quickly as the foggy memories of what had happened after the speech started to come back to her.

Fitz shook his head. "You don't have to apologise, I should never have let cyrus talk me in to persuading you to come with me. It wasn't fair on you."

"Don't apologise. I wanted to come, I wanted to prove that I could do it..." She rested her head against his shoulder as his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. "But Jerry's dead, and it all seems so stupid and pointless." She wiped her hand roughly across her face to get rid of the tears that were falling again, smearing her make up even more in the process.

"I know." Fitz agreed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "But wearing sweatpants all day and getting drunk at 9am isn't going to bring him back Mels. You need to take care of yourself."

He bent forward to look at her when she didn't answer him, only to find she'd fallen asleep again. Resting his head against the top of hers he closed his eyes, hoping for once he might get an unbroken nights sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hello again everyone, I hope you all had a good New Years! I've got a few days left before I have to head back to work (boo!) so I'm going to try and get as much of this written before I go just incase i can't update for a while. Enjoy! _

_(Just to clarify the parts in italic are a flash back!)_

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><p>"Mellie, I thought you were going to try and get dressed today?" Fitz asked as his wife strolled in to the Oval Office without knocking and proceeded to flop down on the sofa.<p>

Mellie shrugged at him. "I'm not wearing my pyjamas or my sweatpants, what more do you want?" She asked.

Fitz hesitated. She was at least wearing a pair of jeans and one of his navy shirts- that was progress. "You know what I mean." He stood up for, behind his desk and walked towards her, reaching her just as she extended her hand towards the decanter that stood on the side table. "It's half past twelve Mellie. I thought we agreed no more drinking in the middle of the day?" He said, picking it up and walking over to place it on his desk so it was well out of her reach.

"No, you said no more getting drunk at nine in the morning. I never agreed to it." Mellie retorted, rolling her eyes at him.

Fitz let out an exasperated sigh as he caught the faint smell of alcohol on her breath. "You've been drinking." It was a statement not a question. He had no idea where she'd managed to find it, he'd personally scoured every inch of the residence collecting up the various bottles that were scattered around in an effort to stop her drinking. Clearly she had some stashed somewhere he didn't know about.

"It's not a crime Fitz, Lord knows you and Cyrus get through enough scotch. Why shouldn't I be allowed to have a little fun every now and then?" She shot back at him.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this." Fitz said, standing up and walking away from her. "You told me you'd try, you promised." He said, recalling their conversation three days ago- the morning after the state of the Union.

Mellie gave him a small smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Oh Fitz, honey." She smirked, standing up and walking towards him. "If twenty years of being married to you has taught me anything- it's that promises mean nothing." She stepped past him and walked out of the door, leaving him stood wondering if he should follow after her and try and talk some sense in to her. After a brief deliberation he decided against it, he'd got too much to do that day. Unfortunately, the country didn't stop running just because his wife had decided to have a total breakdown.

It was so frustrating, he'd thought maybe they were finally getting somewhere. When she'd woken up the morning after the state of the Union incident they'd had what seemed like their first honest conversation in weeks. He'd convinced himself that there was hope, that maybe things between him and Mellie could be repaired, but that was beginning to look much less likely. Sitting back at his desk he rested his head in his hands, trying to form some kind of plan for what he was going to do next.

* * *

><p><em>"How are you feeling?" Fitz asked, peering over at her anxiously as she began to stir beside him. He was exhausted, Mellie had been restless all night which had kept him awake, although if he was honest he doubted he would've got any sleep even if he'd been in another room as she usually was.<em>

_Mellie rubbed her hand across her face, smearing her make up from the night before even more than it already was. "Did that really happen?" She asked in a small voice, the realisation of the vents of the night before coming down on her like a ton of bricks. Fitz nodded and she felt herself flush bright red. "Oh god... I'm so sorry." She mumbled._

_"It's okay, you don't have to apologise." Fitz said soothingly, rubbing circles gently on the hand she didn't even realise he was holding. "We do need to talk about this though Mels." He continued, watching as her eyes wandered around the bedroom- anything to avoid having to look him in the eye._

_"What is there to talk about?" Mellie asked harshly, tugging her hand free from his grasp._

_"Mellie." Fitz scolded her quietly. "You can't carry on like this!" He attempted to lower his voice as her eyes widened in shock._

_"Carry on like what? Not that I really see how this is any of your concern." Mellie spat back at him, pushing herself out of bed in order to create some distance between them._

_"There are two empty bottles of hooch in your nightstand and a half empty bottle of scotch in our bathroom cabinet!" Fitz shot back at her, getting out of bed and approaching her. "Are you honestly telling me that's not something I shouldn't be concerned about?!"_

_As he approached she spun around to face him, the glare she gave him causing him to drop the hand he'd just extended towards her awkwardly by his side. "Again." She said, her tone frosty. "I am failing to see how this is any of your concern."_

_Fitz took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of his anger, before he said something he'd regret later. "You're my wife Mellie, and I'm worried about you, why can't you just let me in?"_

_Mellie looked down at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. She wasn't used to Fitz acknowledging her existence, never mind showing any kind of emotion towards her. "Jerry's dead." She said simply, looking back up at him. "Karen's gone back to school and teddy cries for the nanny every time I try to pick him up. It's just so quiet and lonely here Fitz. Everytime I go out there they all give me that same pitying look, and I can't handle it. So excuse me if I'd rather hide away in here than bury myself in work."_

_Fitz took a step closer to her, extending his arms to embrace her in an attempt to offer some comfort, but she quickly backed away from him shaking her head. "No, please don't." She whispered, backing up against the bathroom door. Fitz frowned in confusion, pausing mid step. "It will only make it hurt more when you leave me for her again." She explained, fighting back a few tears._

_"I'm not going to do that Mellie, I promise. It's just me and you." Fitz told her, watching as she shook her head._

_"Don't make promises that you're not intending to keep Fitz. I've had enough of those for a lifetime." She shook her head sadly. "Just do me one favour?"_

_"Anything." Fitz agreed_ _quickly._

_"Warn me before you see her again. I can't handle any more surprises." She said, looking up to see his reaction._

_"I'm not going to see her again." He said, confused by her sudden request._

_Mellie shook her head. "You will Fitz, you always do. It's okay, you love her. I'm just asking that you give me some warning."_

_Fitz was quiet for a few moments. "I want you to promise me you'll stop getting drunk at 9am then." He said eventually, watching as she rolled her eyes._

_"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?" She asked him, raising an eyebrow._

_Fitz frowned. "If that's what you'd like." He agreed hesitantly._

_"Close the door on your way out." Mellie said bluntly, turning to open the door behind her and disappearing in to the bathroom._

* * *

><p>Fitz was snapped back in to the present day by the door to the office opening. For a brief moment he hoped it was Mellie, coming back to talk to him rather than running away yet again. His hopes were dashed as cyrus walked in, ruining any plans he had made to go up to the residence and speak to his wife. "What is it Cyrus?" He asked tiredly, praying it was nothing major. As soon as this was dealt with he was going up to the residence and he wasn't leaving until he and Mellie had finally talked about what was going on.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

_Don't shoot me! I know I said there were happier times ahead but no matter how many times I re write this chapter it just keeps coming out with the same ending! Tomorrows update should (hopefully!) have a much happier ending so I can work towards wrapping this story up otherwise I'm going to be writing it forever!_

Fitz made his way to the residence that evening rather apprehensively. It was late, he'd been trapped in meetings all afternoon yet again thanks to Cyrus, he was beginning to wonder if Mellie might be asleep. Part of him hoped she was, that would give him an excuse to put of this conversation a little longer. The much larger part of him realised that was part of the problem- he kept putting off dealing with the problem and allowing Mellie to carry on the way she was. He was going to have to grow some balls and deal with this once and for all.

As he approached the bedroom door he could see the light shining out from underneath the door, clearly she was still awake despite the time. If previous experience was anything to go by thus definitely wasn't a good sign. If she was still awake this late then she was probably drunk, meaning things would probably get nasty. He hesitated with his hand on the door handle, contemplating abandoning his plan and just going to sleep in another room.

He did a double take, walking in to the bedroom, when he couldn't see her immediately. Then he realised the door to the balcony was slightly ajar. He crept out on to the balcony apprehensively, wondering what he would find. Mellie was leaning against the railings, clutching a half empty bottle of scotch in her hand. He had no idea where she'd got it from, he'd deliberately disposed of all of the alcohol in the residence. Clearly he hadn't done a very good job of it.

Mellie's head snapped around as she heard the sound of footsteps behind her. She rolled her eyes and took another swig from the bottle she was holding as she surveyed he husband, lurking nervously in the doorway. "Fitzgerald!" She slurred. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Maybe you should come inside, it's freezing out here." Fitz suggested, taking a couple of steps closer to her so she was within arms reach. The way she was wobbling around near the edge of the balcony frightened him a little

"What's the matter Fitz, worried I'm going to jump?" She smirked at him, turning to look over the edge of the balcony. "It's not even that far down, I'd maybe break my ankle... Unless I landed on my head I guess."

Fitz frowned, edging closer to her. "Let's just go inside." He said calmly. "Why don't I take that for you?" He held his hand out for the bottle.

Mellie shook her head furiously, clutching the bottle closer to her body. "Nice try Fitz." She glared. "If you've got something to say then just say it!"

Fitz sighed, running a hand through his hair. They weren't getting anywhere with Mellie like this. She could be uncooperative at the best of times, but in her current state he didn't stand a hope in hell. "Mellie, Honey." He said soothingly, edging closer to her yet again. "We talked about this, I'm just worried about you. You said you'd cut back on the drinking, you promised me. So why don't you let me take that and we'll go inside?" He reached for the bottle once again.

Mellie shook her head. "Don't you remember me telling you the one thing this marriage has taught me Fitz? Promises mean nothing." Her hands were trembling slightly as she tried to suppress her rage. "I'm not going to see her again Mellie... It's just you and me now Mellie!" She imitated his voice mockingly.

"I don't understand what you're talking about?" Fitz watched in confusion as his wife paced back and forth across the balcony agitatedly, pausing every now and then for another swig of scotch.

Mellie laughed sarcastically, coming to a stop in front of him. "Oh Fitz, honey... How stupid and gullible do you honestly think I am?" She waved a hand as she started pacing again. "Actually no, don't answer that. I don't think I want to know the answer! The point is, you thought I wouldn't notice if you brought your little whore in to the White House right under my nose!" She shook her head disbelievingly as Fitz tried to work out what was going on.

"Mellie, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about!" How could she think he'd been seeing Olivia, he'd been trapped in various meetings all afternoon once again courtesy of Cyrus. "I was in meetings all afternoon, you can ask cyrus!"

Mellie rolled her eyes. "You honestly think I'm going to believe a word that comes out of Cyrus' mouth? The man would be more than willing to lie for you, I think that's been proved enough times!" She couldn't believe he was trying to deny it, she'd seen his mistress in the hallway in the west wing with her own eyes!

"You're impossible!" Fitz snapped, his anger finally getting the better of him. "what do you want me to say?!" He demanded.

"Just admit it Fitz, I don't care that you're seeing here again. I knew you'd go back to her, you always do!" She shot back at him.

"If you don't care then what is all this about Mellie? Please do enlighten me because I haven't got a bloody clue!" He looked at her expectantly.

"I asked you to do one thing Fitz- let me know before you saw her again. One simple thing. I didn't ask you not to see her a again, because you love her and as much as I hate it I've come to accept it. All I asked was that you warned me, and you couldn't even do that for me!" She yelled.

Fitz took a deep breath and bit back the response on the tip of his tongue. "It doesn't matter what I say Mellie, you're not going to believe me, despite the fact I'm telling the truth." He shook his head at her, moving back towards the door. "I'll be back in the morning to talk to you when you've sobered up, there's no point even trying to continue this conversation." He lunged for the bottle of scotch and snatched it out of her hands, her reflexes considerably slowed from having drunk so much. Taking the bottle with him he walked back in to their bedroom and then back out in to the residence without a backwards glance. His patience with her was beginning to wear thin, as much as he wanted to be able to help her she refused time after time to let him in.

Mellie was left speechless, standing on their balcony, her fingers clutching at the air where the bottle had been. She stayed rooted to the spot on the balcony for a few seconds while her mind tried to process what had just happened. She'd seen Olivia Pope with her own two eyes, she was sure of it. She'd know that woman anywhere, it had to have been her, and what reason would Olivia have for being in the White House other than the fact her husband was screwing her again. Her drunken mind was struggling to process her thoughts properly, but she couldn't help but wonder if maybe she'd made a mistake. Then again, Fitz had let her down and betrayed her trust so many times she was struggling to find a reason why this time should be any different. Wandering back in to the bedroom she laid down on the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. She'd deal with it in the morning when she'd sobered up enough to think clearly.


	16. Chapter 16

Mellie rolled over, trying to bury her head under the pillows as the sunlight streamed in through the curtains. Her head was pounding and the last thing she wanted to do was get up and face the world. "Wake up Mellie!" Fitz yelled in her ear, less than sympathetically, watching as his wife shifted under the covers and hesitantly opened an eye to look at him.

"What do you want Fitzgerald? I'm sleeping." She muttered, closing her eyes again. The bright lights were not helping with her headache.

"I told you I was coming back in the morning to discuss what happened last night with you, so here I am." He shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Mellie opened her eyes to glare at him, squinting as she tried to adjust to the light that was streaming in to the room. "Seriously." She muttered, looking up at him. "You decided after 20 years of marriage to start actually doing what you say? Well isn't that just fantastic."

Fitz sighed. "I know you're determined not to believe me, but I didn't see Olivia yesterday." He explained to her, watching as she rolled her eyes. "No, you're going to hear me out." He cut her off as she tried to interrupt him. "I had someone look in to it, she was here visiting the press secretary- Gabby or Abby- whatever her name is."

Mellie felt her cheeks flush bright red. "I'm sorry, I just assumed…" She mumbled, pushing herself up in to a sitting position.

Fitz forced smile. "I guess I haven't given you much reason to trust me in the past, I shouldn't really be surprised that this is the conclusion you came to."

Mellie rubbed her forehead, trying to will away the throbbing pain. "It doesn't make it right Fitz, I'm sorry." She reached out and hesitantly placed her hand over his, squeezing it gently. "You're my husband. I'm supposed to trust you. You promised me you wouldn't see her and I should've believed you."

Fitz moved closer towards her, putting an arm around her waist as Mellie leant forwards to rest her forehead on his shoulder. "You don't have to apologise, we've both screwed up." He told her, kissing the top of her head. "But I made a promise that I wouldn't see Olivia again and I meant it. I know I've broken a lot of promises in the past, but this is different."

Mellie blinked back a stray tear that threatened to fall from her eye at his words. "This is the first honest conversation we've had in years." She said quietly after a few moments silence, voicing her thoughts.

Fitz tightened his arms slightly around her waist. "I'm sorry, for everything I've put you through Mellie, I really am. I had no idea about what had happened with my father, but that's no excuse for the way I've acted." He paused, wondering if now was the right moment to bring up her drinking. She was more sober than he'd seen her since Jerry's death, but he didn't want to cause another fight like the previous night. He couldn't leave her to carry on drowning her sorrows in alcohol. "Mellie, we still need to talk about your drinking." He added quietly, feeling her tense in his arms as he spoke.

"What about it?" She asked the icy edge to her voice clearly audible.

Fitz was quiet for a few seconds, trying to decide how best to phrase what he needed to say. "It's not healthy Mellie." He said eventually, sighing as she pulled out of his embrace to look at him. "I want to help you!"

"Unless you can bring our son back from the dead then you'll have a hard time doing that Fitz." The quiet resignation in her voice took him by surprise, he'd been expecting anger.

"Mellie, Honey." He said quietly, taking her hand in his. "Jerry's dead, there is nothing either of us can do to change that, no matter how much we would like to. You drowning yourself in a bottle of scotch isn't going to do anything to change that either." He watched her closely, her bottom lip quivering as she fought to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. "Jerry wouldn't want to see you like this Mels." He added, pulling her back in to his embrace.

There was a long pause; the only sound in the room was the sound of Mellie's sobs, muffled against her husband's chest. "It's just so quiet Fitz…" She choked out, taking a couple of deep breaths to try and regain control of her emotions. "Everywhere I look I see him… I have to walk past his room every day." She looked up at Fitz, who wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I sit in my office and stare at those stupid bloody china patterns and all I can think about is how much I failed as a mother."

"Why didn't you talk to me?" The words slipped out of his mouth without him thinking about it. "I could've helped you."

Mellie shrugged. "You've got enough on your plate Fitz. You lost a son too, and you have a country to run. You don't have time to deal with my problems too."

"I would've made time for you Mellie, you know that." Mellie raised an eyebrow at his statement. "I know I haven't always been there for you in the past, I'm sorry for that and I wish I could change it, but you don't have to do this on your own."

Mellie gave him a sad smile. "I know, I should've told you. It was just so much easier to drink until I couldn't remember how much it hurt…. I was too scared to let you back in because I was afraid of how much it would hurt when you left me for her again."

" I don't know how many times I'll have to say it before you believe me but I'll keep saying it until you do- I'm not going to see Olivia again." He said firmly. "But the drinking has to stop Mellie, promise me that. If not for me, do it for Karen and Teddy- they need you." He paused. "I need you, Mels."

Mellie nodded quickly, resting her head back on his shoulder. She felt safe in his embrace, as though for a few moments the world wasn't quite such an awful place. "I'll try." She whispered softly, realising he was waiting for an answer.

"Thank You." Fitz answered with a smile.


	17. Chapter 17

_Hey guys, I'm so sorry! I've been meaning to update this for a while but the past few weeks have been a total disaster and I just haven't had the motivation to write anymore to this. Hopefully it won't take me so long next time! Thanks for being so patient with me!_

Mellie looked up from her desk, flashing a smile at her husband as he walked in to her office. "What brings you down here?" She asked.

"I went up to the residence looking for you, someone told me you'd come down here. Is everything okay?" He asked, he was surprised to see her sat at her desk, looking so normal.

"What you really mean by that question is am I sober?" She replied, watching him shift uncomfortably. "You can say it you know, there's no point dancing around it."

Fitz raised an eyebrow at her, still not wanting to say the words. He was petrified of upsetting her, sending her back to drowning her sorrows in a bottle of scotch. She'd been sober for about a week now, but each time he saw he her was terrified she would've turned back to drinking. The woman in front of him was finally someone that resembled the wife he'd spent twenty years married too. A nicer, warmer version of her, but not the version of his wife that spent her days wandering around the White House in her pyjamas eating cereal out of the box.

"I'm sober Fitz, you can stop freaking out. I'm 100% sober, fully dressed and getting on with my delightful duties of picking out China patterns." She sighed.

"Are you sure you're okay? If you don't want to do this then don't feel like you have to. I honestly don't care if you never look at another China pattern again, as long as you're happy." He told her, walking over and sitting on the edge of her desk.

Mellie smiled at him, her hand resting lightly on his knee as she looked up at him. "I'm fine, as much as I hate to admit it- I think I'm actually kind of enjoying it."

Fitz laughed. "Are you sure about that? Because you've spent the last four years yelling at me about how mind numbingly boring these stupid China patterns are."

She pulled a face at him. "I know, I can't believe I'm saying it. Maybe I am crazy after all!" She laughed. "If you ever try and tell anyone I said it I'll deny all knowledge."

"I've missed this." Fitz said more seriously, his hand resting over hers.

"Me too." She agreed. "I just wish Jerry could be here to see that we've finally stopped fighting."

Fitz smiled at her sadly. "I know, but he knew that even with everything we said we loved him, and we still loved each other."

"I know, I just wish I'd told him more." She whispered, blinking back a few tears that welled in her eyes.

There was a long silence, each of them lost in thought, before Mellie spoke again. "I was being so productive until you came in here and distracted me." She joked. "What are you doing sitting on my desk anyway, don't you have a country to run?"

Fitz rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "I just need a few minutes without Cyrus going on about everything I need to deal with. I thought coming to see you was a pretty good excuse to hide from him for a little while."

Mellie laughed and shook her head. "Don't look at me to save you, you're the one that wanted to be the president!"

"I can't remember why I ever thought it would be a good idea sometimes!" Fitz laughed, sliding off the desk."I'm joking, I love it really, but there's just times when I stop and wonder what our lives might've been like if we weren't here."

She nodded in agreement. "I know. I've thought about it too, it's like being in a bubble in here, I've forgotten what life in the real world is like... Still, I guess we'll find out in four years time... But you can't hide in here for the next four years... Go and be the president!" She laughed, kissing him quickly before pushing him away from her. "Go! Let me get on with this or I'll call Cyrus and tell him where you're hiding!"

Fitz groaned and rolled his eyes at her, making his way to the door. "Fine." He complained, reaching for the door handle.

"You look like Karen when she doesn't get her own way!" Mellie laughed as he opened the door.

Fitz smiled at her, he was so pleased to see her smiling and joking again. "I'll see you for dinner tonight?"

She nodded. "I wouldn't miss it... Although if you don't hurry up and leave me in peace to get this done I might do!"

"Message received, I'm going!" Fitz laughed. "See you later!" He called before closing the door behind him and finally leaving her in peace.

She smiled to herself as she shuffled the stack of papers on her desk, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in months.

_Sorry this is kind of short- I'll try and get a longer chapter done at some point but I can't make any promises until I manage to get the mess that is my life sorted out! _


End file.
